Filed under: AWESOME, Alcohol, Concerts, Friends, Insight, music | Tags: Alcohol, AWESOME, Bradlee, feelings, Friends, music, random, songs, Travis
Tonight is supposed to be the night. Tonight is the night I am going to Lansing to see Bradlee. I texted him this morning though and now I am more confused than ever. Nevermind. He just texted me back…. He makes me feel smile and gives me butterflies. I feel like this is some kind of dream though because I mean, what music loving girl doesn’t wanna get with the lead singer of a band? I’m pretty sure every girl does. It’s hot. He told me to come find him before the show, well as soon as I get there. I am so excited to see him in action. He is such a sweetheart and the music is amazing too. I am listening to the song “All We Know” right now it makes my stomach turn, but in a good way. I hope that even if things don’t work out like they do in my head, they still work out well. The whole night is seeming to fall together. I am leaving around like 4 and the show starts at 5:30. Then after the show, well what happens happens and I am crashing at Sarah’s for the night. My mom thinks that Sarah is coming with me. I am a little worried to go alone, but I mean, it’s a bar in Lansing with undiscovered bands playing, what could happen. The only thing I am stressing is that he has only seen me in pictures and when he sees me in person he won’t like what he sees. I am a fat slob in person and I have learned how to angle pics to make me look super good. I don’t know. I need to calm down and not stress out. Thats not what I need right now.
Oh, I’m also a little worried about how Tuesday is going to go. It will be when I go back to school and see Travis. I got a little drunk on Friday and texted him some kinda forward things. I mean, with him, I always wanna give him another shot because he is so important to me and my everyday life. I just don’t want to freak him out like I have a habit of doing with guys… A LOT.
Whatever. I don’t wanna talk about that anymore. I already kind of regret saying that stuff to him. When I think about it I kind of sound like a whore, which I know I’m not, I just have a lot of whore tendencies. It’s just when I see Travis, I think about how he hasn’t done ANYTHING more than holding hands and a simple kiss on the lips and how I know he wants to do more so bad, but doesn’t feel comfortable with a girl enough to do anything. I mean if anyone, he should be comfortable with me right? He trusts me and I am like his best friend. I don’t know. I just don’t want someone to take advantage of him or for him to have a bad first experience with some horrible girl. I want him to have it with me. Honestly, that sounds horrible. It sounds like I am some Dazed and Confused actor trying to deflower the young girls. “Thats one thing I love about high school girls. I keep getting older and they stay the same age.” 
DDD Tsk Tsk Janelle :p
Filed under: AWESOME, Concerts, music | Tags: Amazing, AWESOME, love, Marilyn Manson, music, songs
Marilyn Manson’s new album is titled “The high end of low” and it comes out in May 2009. I am sooooooooooo excited. Oh and he is headlining Mayhemfest and is coming to Michigan on August 2, 2009. I want to go REALLY bad, but lawn tickets are $66… I will see what I can swing man. I hope I can go.
I LOVE MARILYN MANSON!!!!!!!!!!
Filed under: Insight, love, music | Tags: confused, fear, love, Lyrics, married, Michael, songs, superman, The Beatles
Well, here is something that is blowing the the lid off of my sanity for sure. Micheal. I didn’t exactly tell him that I love him, but I for sure hinted around at it. You see, I write him these letters and the last one I gave him was where I hinted at the love. I have a thing for the beatles and so I thought that maybe it would be a good idea to translate feelings in song… So… I just wrote down to the lyrics to The Beatles song, “If I Feel”. The song goes:
If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
’cause I’ve been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands
If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her
If I trust in you, oh please
Don’t run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don’t hurt my pride like her
’cause I couldn’t stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain
So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn’t stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain
so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.
If I fell in love with you
Well, to read these would make you think, ” She isn’t hinting, she is full on spelling it out for him! How could he not understand it?” Lucky me though. I feel like I picked a fucking idiot. He doesn’t get it and if he does, then he is the best faker. I even DID spelled it out at the bottom of the page. I put “Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I want you to let me love you.” I don’t know man, I just really want to know how he feels. I just want him to turn to me and say, “Janelle, I love you. I always have. I’ve just been waiting for the right time so that I could be sure.” I just want all the feelings that I have to be returned so I don’t feel like an idiot for not understanding that he didn’t want me from the beginning.
I have so much fear in me. I am scared that no one will love me outside of family and friends. I think that that’s why it’s so easy for me to love, because I want it returned so bad. I am so scared that I am going to spend all this time and feelings on someone who in the end, “just wants to be friends.” I understand that it’s high school and I’m not exactly looking for a OMG, I WANT TO GET MARRIED love, but yeah… I just want someone to want to be with me. Other than a gay guy or a juvy boy. He is just simply amazing and I want to mean something to him. I want to be someone that he never forgets.
Filed under: AWESOME, Insight, love, music | Tags: Artists, friend, Lyrics, Meaning, music, songs, Struggle
I am sitting at my computer thinking. I do this all the time. It’s the only reason I have so many posts… For some reason I am thinking about music and how its pretty much the center of my world. I have always had an attraction to music, my whole life. I sing. I listen to music like crazy. Sometimes I TRY to write… I feel like I can relate to so much music whether it be the beat and energy of it or the meaning of the lyrics. Music is all about passion and I think that is what I love about it. Someone look time out of their lives to create something, hoping that it would change someone’s life or somehow help or touch them. That is what a lot of songs do for me.
The other thing that dawned on me was that lyrics are something that I hold dear to my heart. When I want to express something and can’t find the right way, I play a song to someone … or tell them the lyrics. They are how I express how I feel a lot of the time. When I am down, I listen to songs that have the same somber feeling and expression that I have at the time. Sometimes I get the feeling that these lyrics and these feelings somehow make me close to the artist that wrote them. It takes emotion and experience to write a song. “You write what you know.” You write what you know … My thought process is, “They know how I feel.” I would never wish for someone to suffer, but the people that have write the best music man. Eminem. Marilyn Manson. The ones that fight to make it are the ones that are worth listening to. The ones that have feeling behind their music are the ones that people love.
Music really is an amazing friend to everyone… I love Music and I wish that I had the talent to pursue it.
(most of the time my titles are lyrics or song titles to an amazing song that has somehow touched me. If you are reading this you should look up this music.)
((I finally got to see my Wesley again!!! <3 <3))
Songs that remind me of him:
- Taylor Swift – Invisible
- Taylor Swift – Tear Drops on my Guitar
- Lonestar – Not a Day Goes By
- Katherine McPhee – I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You
- Mayday Parade – Miserable at Best
- Sara Bareilles – One Sweet Love
- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – Your Gaurdian Angel
- Plain White T’s – Unconditional Love
- BuckCherry – Crazy Bitch (don’t ask)
- Lonestar – Tell her that you love her
- Taylor Swift – I Heart
- Anberlin – A Day Late
- Boys like Girls – Thunder
- Beatles – All my loving
- Beatles – Hold me Tight
- Rascal Flatts – What hurts the Most
- Bethany Joy Galeotti – Crazy Girls
- Bethany Joy Galeotti – When the stars go blue
I can’t help listening to these songs over and over again. You should listen to them.
