Filed under: AWESOME, Concerts, Friends, Insight, love, music | Tags: Amazing, AWESOME, Drew, feelings, guys, happy, life, music
Well, last night was pretty awesome. Party Like Summer had an amazing set (even though I’m a little biased). I was in the front, although it’s not like there were all that many people there to stop me fro being up front. I was a chicken in the beginning and Bradlee walked past me about a billion times, but I was scared so I didn’t say anything. Then after his set I went outside and he was there so we hung out for a little bit and talked. He is a really cool guy and I’m glad that I met him or even texted him in the first place. Thanks Christofer Drew <3 I got tons of hugs and a kiss on the cheek and he told me to call him, which I will.
The only thing that stresses me out about with him is that it’s hard to have actual conversation with him sometimes. I’m not used to having to wait forever for someone to text me back and I don’t mean to be impatient, but it bothers me when he’s like “Im a busy beee” when I know for a fact that he is sitting in a van doing nothing..Lol. Oh well, I don’t need to stress. He is simply a friend.
On an even better note, today was awesome too. I hung out at the house until like one and then went to Drew’s house. We walked around Berkley while he tried to find a job. No luck though. It was nice hanging out with him though. Favorite moment all day : We were sitting on the couch watching tv, my head is on his shoulder, he moves his head down and kisses me. Then after one I turned my head because I thought it was only one and he turns to me and says “I wasn’t done.” and kisses me again. It still makes me smile. It’s just nice to know that the boy I love likes kissing me :]]]
This weekend was amazing.
Oh, I don’t know if I posted, but Groves’ production of Guys and Dolls was AMAZING! I WISH that SL could have shows like that. The Fall Play is this weekend and I hope for the love of Jesus, that it goes well. BREAK A LEG!
Filed under: AWESOME, Insight, love | Tags: Amazing, Bradlee, Changing, Emotions, life, self
You know how sometimes people say rather small things that make a huge crash on certain people. I just read one of the blogs that Bradlee wrote on the Party Like Summer Myspace an I feel like my soul has been ripped out and typed by someone else. I just want other people to read it too. He wrote:
“I woke up this morning and there was a piece of paper on my floor.
Scribbled on it just two words, “don’t worry”.
I’m not sure exactly when, or if, i wrote this.
But i do know it bugged me a ton.
I thought about those two words all day and came to this conclusion;
Sometimes it seems as a society we spend far to much time worrying about silly stuff.
We tend to over look life’s little beauties because were so wrapped in all of the drama.
Every little thing that we do from switching on a light switch and having the light turn on,
to taking a deep breath and the air around us having just the right amount of gasses for our lungs to filter it thus giving our bodies essential oxygen.
All these things are tiny little miracles that should bring us a ton of joy, but we overlook because were too busy worrying.”
Filed under: AWESOME, Insight, random | Tags: Amazing, feelings, Friends, guys, happy, life, school, Travis
Travis told me to write a new blog so I think I will. This week has been kind of okay. I wasn’t feeling that well on monday or tuesday, so on tuesday I didn’t go to school. I talked to Bradlee all day though :] He is someone that is so awesome. I don’t know what is going to happen with him. He is in a band. Their name is Party Like Summer and the music is super amazing! I’m going to his show in Lansing on sunday night. I am excited to see him <3 Bradlee Meredith is simply amazing… I don’t know what else to say.
I miss Krissy :[
Life is kinda okay now. Drew comes home for good either today or tomorrow. I hope that things work out with us. I’m not willing to let go of him, but I don’t know anymore. I had this really long talk with Grace last night. It was really nice. We talked for like 3 hours after everyone else left Bible Study. Last night was a good time <3
People are pissing me off right now. No one is listening to me. I am at set crew and people don’t listen. They don’t do what they are supposed to do and to top it of, they are loud as FUCK.
I am soo close to being done with this shit. If this wasn’t such a huge part of my life and I didn’t love it so much, I would have been done sooo long ago.
I love Clyde right now :] He is my savior. When no one wants to listen to me he comes in and kicks ass. I don’t know what I would do without him most of the time. He is the left to my right <3333
This boy Robert is reading what I am typing right now and he didn’t know that “<3″ was a heart… He’s kinda stupid, but he is a nice kid so I keep him around.
This weekend was okay. I’ll call or text you Kris.
Peace&Love
Filed under: Friends, Insight, love | Tags: confusion, Drew, Emotions, Friends, guys, happy, Krissy, life, love, Relationships
What do you do when you thought that everything was going amazing and that something seems to throw in a wrench? I feel like this is whats happening. I love Drew. I really do, but sometimes I feel like I am the only one feeling it. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to just commit to me. To tell people that I am his “girlfriend”. I don’t even know what to say about him anymore. I can’t really call him my “boyfriend” but he’s not…nothing… I just don’t even know what to say anymore. I can’t give up. I can’t let go. I try to be okay with everything that he puts me through. He doesn’t hurt me on purpose… This is hard.
I hope I see him today.
Travis hugged me yesterday. He was leaning on the lockers and I came and leaned on him and he put his arms around me. It made me happy, but I feel it’s a little too little a little too late.
I love Kris and seeing her this week and spending time with her was amazing. I am soo gladd that she is happy. Pilot is a good guy and he makes her so happy. I am this lasts forever :] I never thought that I would be jealous of my best friend’s LONG DISTANCE relationship though…
Filed under: Depression, love | Tags: Drew, Emotions, fear, life, love, tears
I ended up seeing him yesterday. I had fun in someways… but his best friend, James, is the bestest asshole ever.
I left in tears.
We had sex.
James texted me and told me Drew said “hit it and quit it”
I don’t feel like breathing, being alive.
I am hoping that this is all bullshit and James is an asshole.
I don’t see him again until next weekend.
Filed under: AWESOME, Depression, Friends, Insight, love, random | Tags: Amazing, AWESOME, boyfriend, confusion, Drew, Emotions, fear, guys, life, school, Travis
Drew flaked on me. I guess to explain this, I should start from the beginning.
We have been talking the last couple weeks.
He asked for my number. I gave it to him.
He called me last night when I was at work, I called when I got off.
We talked for 3.5 hours until I was falling asleep.
Now it’s all caught up. We had made plans to hang out pretty much all day today. I was gonna spend the night at his house. I was looking forward to having him for the whole weekend :] Last night he told me to call him when I wake up, so thats what I did. We talk real quick and then he says hes going to go take a shower. Then he calls me back a little later and says that there is a major change in plans :[ He says that we can't hang out because he has to go do something with his mom and his other friend. I am really bummed and I know he feels really bad, but what can I do? Nothing. He promised me all next weekend <3 I think that I am going to bring to the football game. I don't know if it's a good idea though...because of Travis. I feel like real soon I am going to have to choose one. I don't want to, but I can't like both. They both can't be my love interest.
Krissy says that this is a sign, us not being able to hang out. I can't lie though and say that part of me doesn't agree, but I can't really explain it. I can't explain in words how good it feels to hear him say "I love you".
I feel like in a lot of ways I compare Drew and Travis and I know it's wrong but I can't help it. It's like they have what the oppisite doesn't. Drew has my heart. Travis has my friendship. Drew has the years of past. Travis has the everyday. Drew has the deep stuff. Travis has the fun stuff. Drew was there in a tough time. Travis is there now. I don't know. I just feel like in the end, Drew is going to win out for my heart. I also think this is because Travis doesn't really seem to want my heart. He keeps trying to hook me up with other people, always girls though. Travis is honestly one of my best friends.
This is hard. I am looking still looking forward to this weekend though :] I am going to the movies with Nada, Nora, Jade, Anthony, and some of his friends. We are going to see Paranormial Activity :] Tomorrow morning I have church and I think I might be working sunday during the day. Then I have youth group on Sunday night.
Oh, about Senior Highs… I feel like I need to try harder to be quiet. A lot of the time, I have a problem with self control. I need to learn when it’s okay to talk and when it’s not. I don’t want Grace to think that I am disrespecting her when I talk a lot.
Future Shows I plan on seeing:
Party Like Summer – Nov 6 in Lansing
NeverShoutNever – December 12 at the Filmore <3
Filed under: Friends, love, school | Tags: Christopher, Drew, Friends, Krissy, life, love, Michael, school, Travis, Work
I should be doing homework right now.. I don’t want to though, I like sitting on the computer listening to music, downloading iTunes, printing papers for NHS, and writing a new blog. Ahh, the magic of multi-tasking. I feel like I have so much to say today, but not really.
“It takes guts to fall in love, but it takes nerve to go back to the one who broke you.”
It seems like everytime I turn around, I am making another mistake when it comes to love. I don’t know if it’s because I am so desperate to be loved or if it because I love so much that I can’t help myself sometimes. Lets see, boys I have loved…
Drew- Like I said before, I don’t really know what to say. I know that no matter what, I will always love him. I really think I will. He is one of the ones that broke me, the one that I have gone back to so many times. I don’t know if I am scared of going back anymore. He is someone I think about all the time. Honestly sometimes I feel guilty thinking about him. He is someone that is so special that I feel bad for having any bad thoughts. Its just like, he has hurt me so many times to always see him coming back as a positive. In the end, I know I love him.
Travis- He is someone that I love more and more everyday. It seems like things between us are getting better. He hugged me today. He holds my hand in the hall again (well kinda lol [long story]). A lot of the time when I am with him, I find myself wishing I was kissing him. I wish that he would just lean down and kiss me. He never does, but everyday I get the feeling that he just might. He won’t go to Homecoming with me though… I hope he comes to LaserTag on Sunday though. I love him, I really do. I’m not IN love. I’m taking my time with him. I have to.
Michael- This is the akward part. I know that I have been IN love with Michael, who, as you know if you read this a lot (which no one but Kris prob does) then you know that Michael is Travis’s older brother. He is someone that has helped me out a lot and for a long time, he was the one person that I wanted more than anything. I don’t have many problems with him. Slowly I am realizing that my feelings for him are more friendship than anything. He is honestly my BEST guy friend. We know almost everything about each other. He likes Abby…He told me today. I am kind of upset that it’s not me, but it doesn’t hurt quite like I thought it would. I thought I would be all dramatic, thinking my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I thought it kinda had when I first started to see that Mickey liked her. I just wanna him to be happy, I really do. Besides, minus our differences, I think Mickey could make her happy and they would honestly be suuppper adorable together. Oh Mickey, Alligator Food <3
Christopher- I love him. This is one of those things that I don’t know where I stand anymore. He is someone that I said I loved, but I don’t know if I did atleast not like that. He has been such an asshole to me, but somehow I always forgive him. He seems to think that I will always love him no matter what, but I don’t really agree with him. I just let him think that because it makes him feel good. He was in town the other week and when we had made plans to hang out, he completely blew me off. We haven’t talked to almost two weeks. I don’t know if he is someone that is good for me… He isn’t. He said he loved me and then took it back a week later.
Well, this has mostly been about boys… like they always are… Lol.
Hmm. School is going well. I am doing well in my classes I think so far. I work on friday night and am missing the biggest football game of the year :[ I like my classes and I am starting to make new friends.
Auditions for the fall play were yesterday and hopefully a cast list will be posted tomorrow morning. I really hope I make it. I want the role of Anna Trumball. She is the hippie of the play :] I don’t know what I will do if I don’t make it. This is my senior year and all I wanna do is have a lead role, boost my gpa, and get into NHS. Ohhhh. I have to tape my interview on Monday…. @ 3:35.
Guh. Anthony just texted me… He is causing so much drama in my life right now. All I need is more girls talking about me and saying I’m a manstealer… thats just F***ing great :///
Church is going amazing by the way. Sunday is now the one day of the week I always look forward too, even getting up early for church <3
P.S. I miss my Bestestest Friend in the whole world, Miss Krissy right now. SOOO MUCH. Iloveyou. I’m gonna text you right now. Did I tell you about Drew? Oh shiz….
Filed under: Depression, Insight | Tags: Blessings, fear, Future, Krissy, life, love, Scared
Today Krissy moved back to Ann Arbor for the school year :[[ I miss her already man!
Right now I am sitting at home, listening to some Denison (which you should all listen to) trying to think of all the things that I do that I shouldn’t. If you were to look at the things I do in life, I seem like a self destructive person and the more I think about it, the more I find that maybe it is true. Maybe I am scared of getting all I have dreamed of. The life, the love, the happiness, the peace of mind.. I don’t know. It might be because never in my life has something been ‘easy’ for me. Nothing has been handed to me. Nothing has come without a cost. I am scared of the blessings I am being given.
Maybe I just look to deep into things. I do it all the time. I think boys like me when they don’t. I think people hate me when they don’t. I think that I am seen in a way that I’m not. Part of me wants to say that I don’t care, but it’s not true. I do care. I care a lot actually.
Sigh. I miss Krissy Poo.
Filed under: AWESOME, Family, Friends, Insight, love, music, religion, school | Tags: Changing, Christopher, confusion, Emily, Friends, Krissy, life, love, music, Relationships, religion, Travis, Wesley
Well, I haven’t blogged in awhile so I guess I’ll do an update because that the only way for me to get in everything to all those people that DON’T read this… Hehe. I wonder why I keep writing. I only know like three people that read this. Oh well.
Friends: Everything with them is GREAT! I don’t see Wes or Emily too much anymore, but we talk and hang when we can. Now that I think about it, I don’t think Wes, Emily, and I have all hung out together since school let out. Well, that’s something to add to the list of summer stuff. I haven’t talked to Melad in awhile and I think I might text her soon. I have been talking to and hung out with Amanda again. It was good to see her, it’s been some time. Side Note: Clayton got suppperrr hot. He is going to teach me to play the guitar as a trade off and I am going to help him with Algebra.
I hang out with Kris, Gabs, Sarah, Lorenzo and the whole gang whenever I can. Couple days ago we played kick the can and smoked Hookah on the roof of a strip mall. It was pretty amazing. Went to the mall with Krissy and Sarah yesterday. It’s random stuff, but still fun because it’s people I love being around. Ummm… Ron is back from California. He left because he didn’t feel he belonged in Michigan anymore. He was gone for about a month. Then he made his way back.It’s nice having him around again. He has a new job at Valvoline and it’s funnnnyyy.
I have been making some new friends too. I hang out and talk to the people from youth group quite a bit. It’s nice having OTHER friends to talk to sometimes. Just adding to the collection. Jordan is one of the people that I LOVE hanging out with. He is my age, going to be a senior at Groves. He swims and is super involved at school. He is just a chill guy he makes me feel good when I am around him. Another person I talk to and hang with is Stucky. He is a nice guy, going to be sophmore at Groves and to be honest, he is a giant pot head. I deal with it though. I don’t smoke with him so it’s whatever. Karly is the closest girl to me. She is like soo sweet. She is a cheerleader at Lasher and is going to be Senior. I love her :]]
School: IT’S SUMMER BABY!!! NO SCHOOL. ( I still have hella summer homework though :[ )
Work: I honestly LOVE my job. It's not that hard and I love coming to a place where I get along with the people. It's nice to have a payday too :] I get paid above minimum wage, I get paid in cash and I only work about two days a week. We have two cooks, they are both really nice people, but honestly I HAVE to say that working with Tony H is wayyy more fun. He is a sweetheart and kinda cute too ;] Lol. He is just such a nice guy that I’d rather work with him over Little Tony anyday… My boss is Gabby’s dad and he is soooo intense. He is like loud and will speak his mind no matter what. He did me a HUGE favor by giving me a job and I will love him forever :] He kinda a hard ass though. I don’t mind though, I respect him for it.
Boys: I’ve been a little rocky on this path. There have been so many issues and I don’t know where I left off.
Travis - I’ve only talked to him once since school let out. A 17 minute phone call. I miss him a lot I am not going to lie.
Christopher – I am done with that asshole. He broke my heart for the second time and didn’t give a shit. He said he was in love with me and then he didn’t want to be with me. I still loves me as a friend and wants in my pants. I don’t think so. Go find some whore in Arizona to mess with, I’m better than that.
Anthony – I’m not really quite sure what is up with me and him. He texts to see if I wanna hang and stuff, but it doesn’t seem like he really wants to. I don’t know. It’s just too shady for my taste.
Jordan – I really like him but I know I can’t do anything about those feelings due to the fact that he still has a gf and I’ve gone down that road before. It’s not a good one, no one wins, everyone gets hurt. For now he is just a friend and that’s all he is going to be until he is single and interested in me. The part that is so hard is like we have soo much in common and he is so easy to open up and talk to. He makes me feel like such an amazing girl, especially when he tells me so :] Which he has… I don’t know. I want to hang with him more than I do and it’s gonna be boss when we go to State together :]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
God – I have been blessed and now I can see how much HE has done for me. He is reason I am alive and living this amazing life. I know that sometimes I can lead myself into temptation and do things that I shouldn’t, but in the end, God is going to forgive me because he knows I am truely sorry. I used to be so scared that God would walk out on me because I do so much wrong and have given up on him before, but now I know that he never will. He will never give up on me. He sent me on Mission Trip to become enlighted and help people know his love like I do. Little did I know that Mission would have such an impact on me. It brought me so much closer to him and I am grateful beyond words for that. All I can do is pray that my relationship continues to grow and I don’t stray again.
