Filed under: Depression, school | Tags: Depression, fear, Holding Hands, Rejection, Sad, school, self, Travis
Today was a really hard day. Today was a day of a lot of tears. Today was a day that I almost wish had never happened. The things that defined today:
- I went to school looking like a freak (dressed up as Marilyn Manson for spirit week)
- People at my school are ignorant.
- I didn’t feel well.
- I was waiting for the cast list of the fall play to be posted.
- I didn’t make it.
- I spent most of sixth hour/seventh hour/after school crying.
The only glimmer of hope within my shitty Pandora box day was Travis. I was at his locker and started bawling my eyes out. He puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me that everything is going to be okay. Then I was like, oh yeah, and theres this guy that I like and he won’t hold my hand because of something that I couldn’t control. He grabbed my hand :]] He really does make me feel special and I wonder whats going to happen in the future, especially with Drew coming home soon.
Well, it’s late. I have school tomorrow. I’m going to be a Jedi for magician/clown day by wearing my Snuggie :]
Filed under: Depression, Friends, Insight | Tags: die, Holding Hands, hugs, missing, nothing, Perfect, Travis
I am degressing with Travis. We went from happy and holding hands with a hug as goodbye and hello to NOW … basically nothing. Ever since we got back from break, he won’t hold my hand, but this morning, he wouldn’t let me hug him. I don’t know what I did, but this is really starting to get to me.
Everything is. I want to crawl into a hole and dream forever of a perfect world.
Filed under: AWESOME, Friends, love, school | Tags: Christmas, Emily, Festival, Friends, happy, Holding Hands, Krissy, love, school, Simon, Smiles, Travis, Wesley
The long awaited Christmas break of 2008 and officially here. Today is the first REAL day of break. Yesterday was a snowday, but I wouldn’t have been at school anyway. This last week has been so stressful and to tell the truth, I slept A LOT because I was constantly tired. I don’t mind it now though because it’s like the most chaos I have had in a long time and I kind of needed it. It’s all good chaos though :]
The French Christmas Party was on Wednesday and it was soo fun. I hung out with Wesley and Kevin most of the night. I ate rolls, strawberries, and chocolate most of the night. We sang and it was SOOO HORRIBLE. Half of the kids didn’t know the songs, it was pretty bad. French Four played it off though, we are awesome. I really think that we are the best french class. Lol <3
On thursday, I had an essay due, a math test, locker clean out, and the Fine Art’s Festival. I must say, out of all of those, my favorite was defidently the Festival <3 I got to hang out with Travis and see him perform. I also got to hang with Wesley, Emily, and Simon. I love all my friends so much. After intermission, Travis came down in the audience and sat with me. He held my hand the entire time. At the end, we kissed. It wasn’t one of those long passionate kisses like in movies, but it was sooo special because it was with him. He really is quite amazing.
Oh, did I mention that he is my boyfriend now? Because, he is :]
I can’t wait for the rest of winter break!! I went to Joie’s house yesterday for a holiday party and I had soo much fun, but now I have welt marks on my leg because Cylde beat me with a power cord. With the exception of that, I had amazingly amazing fun times. We ate cookies, played some game called zumi zumi, and ate burgers :] I don’t think that they agreed with me though because last night I got really sick and threw up twice. I am fine now though, I think that it just needed to get out of my system.
I also have talked to a few old friends; Artur and Trevor. Trevor is coming home today and wants to hang out sometime while he is home. I would love to hang out with him, I miss him :] Artur on the other hand is someone that I freaking LOVE man. He was one of my really good friends in middle school and knows like all my deep dark secrets ;] He is a sweet kid and I miss hanging out with him. He still lives in Troy, so hopefully, sometime soon, I will be able to get out there and see everyone.
I’m excited for tomorrow too :] I am hanging out with Krissy during the day and going to the movies tomorrow night. Hopefully, Travis will be allowed to come. I don’t want to go two weeks without seeing him. I will see him the day I get back from Florida though because I shall be attending his swim meet that same day.
Things seem like they are falling into place again you know? I really just hope that they don’t fall apart like they have everyother time. I really like him.
Filed under: AWESOME, love | Tags: Christopher, happy, Holding Hands, Kissing, love, Tuesday, Wesley
I don’t know how I got so lucky man. I found THE most amazing guy that I think I have ever met. His name is Christopher and I have mentioned him before. I don’t know if I put that we ended up not talking for a few days because he was scared of what my brother would do, but it did happen. Four days later he texted me at four in the morning to say that he was sorry and that he liked me. He also mentioned that he still really wanted to see me. I am amazing, but REALLY happy. He is one of those guys that just make you feel kind of complete.
It’s hard to see him because he works a lot and because we have decided that it would be best to NOT tell my mom or my brother, I can’t really see him on the weekends, when he doesn’t work. Luckily, he doesn’t work on Tuesday though. Last Tuesday he drove all the way from Troy to pick me up at school then we went to his house. We wacthed most of Superbad because I have never seen it, but then he just layed there staring at me. Thats ALL he did. He just looked at me. It was really nice though because it was those “this girl is amazing” look not the “this chick is hot… I wanna fuck her” look. Then he kissed my forehead <3 To me that is like THE sweetest thing ever. We ended up kissing a lot and then he had to take me home. He gave me goodbye kisses and held my hand on the car ride home :] He makes me soo happy.
I think that my Tuesdays were doomed to be amazing always <3 First Wesley, Now Christopher. It’s Saturday now and I have talked to him like non-stop everyday since last Tuesday. My birthday is on wednesday so he is taking me out to dinner and a movie on tuesday. I can’t wait. He is amazing :] :] :] :]
Last night he sent me the most amazing text. “You mean the whole world to me green eyes. I love you so much.” <3 He calls me green eyes. Not the best nickname, but sweet nontheless. All the people that matter all ready now the more intimate details and that is how it is going to stay. I am sooo happy though… and thanks Kris for being happy for me :]
