Sweetly Broken.

I have been thinking about why we are attracted to people lately. I don’t know what it is. Is it simply a physical attraction? or a mental one? or sometimes, is it convience?

I mean, when I think about it seriously, the people I am attracted to look nothing alike, but they are all attractive in their own ways. Emily, she is so beautiful with her blond hair and blue eyes. Maggie, she has short hair and green eyes, but takes my breath away everytime. Elena has long hair and kinda looks like a bum to be honest, but I can’t stop thinking about her. Then there comes the fact that they are different genders… Clearly a woman and a man are two seperate things. When it comes to men, I’m still all over the place. Evan is a dirty hipster. Sam is clean cut with glasses. Bobby is black and ripped, he also has a smile that makes me want to melt. Then when it comes to personalities, they still differ so much.

Emily is fun and outgoing.

Maggie is serious and driven.

Elena is a mystery, but open.

Evan is kind of  a jerk.

Sam is quiet, but soo funny.

Bobby is so sexy with everything, but has so much more to him.

I don’t know, they are all so different, but I guess in the end, they all have qualities that I really like.  They are all funny and have a caring heart  (except maybe Evan.)

Then we have convience. Do we like people because it happens to be the right time? Because they happen to like us back? Sometimes it’s easier to develop feelings for someone who likes us back rather than try for someone who isn’t interested. I can’t tell you how many times I have said that someone is nice, I don’t really like them, but they like me so I will give it a shot. Maybe it’s just me being desperate though. It’s possible though. The people I like though, it’s never convient.

Emily – had just come out and I didn’t speak up. By the time I wanted her and was ready to tell her, she had fallen in love and was in a committed relationship. Now, she still doesn’t want me, even though she and her girlfriend have broken up. Inconvient. 

Maggie – is scared of commitment. She wasn’t ready and still isn’t. She is still a lesbian, but was dating a man this summer, instead of me. There was nothing convient about me and Maggie, it was a giant fucking mess. Inconvient.

Elena – She has no clue how much I am interested and how much I think I might like her, but the fact that I will probably not man up and tell her, makes me stupid. Inconvient.

Evan – Now has a girlfriend who is the sweetest person in the world and pretty much had one right before her when I met him. Inconvient.

Sam – He is the only one who kinda makes sense. He lives on the floor below and he around a lot. When we are back home, he is still close, but it’s complicated. We don’t talk as much as we used to and I honestly miss him. Inconvient.

Bobby – I met him once I came back to school, he is from home. I have been told that he is moving to Georgia, but he hasn’t told me yet. We only talk on Facebook chat and texting. I wish that this could move past technology, or that we could atleast move up to something like phonecalls or skype. Inconvient.

After writing this, I think I just rush. I need to slow down and stop confusing my own emotions.

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