Travie Boy is sick.
I hope he feels better soon.
I missed him at school today.
He texted me though :]]]
Filed under: Depression, school | Tags: Depression, fear, Holding Hands, Rejection, Sad, school, self, Travis
Today was a really hard day. Today was a day of a lot of tears. Today was a day that I almost wish had never happened. The things that defined today:
- I went to school looking like a freak (dressed up as Marilyn Manson for spirit week)
- People at my school are ignorant.
- I didn’t feel well.
- I was waiting for the cast list of the fall play to be posted.
- I didn’t make it.
- I spent most of sixth hour/seventh hour/after school crying.
The only glimmer of hope within my shitty Pandora box day was Travis. I was at his locker and started bawling my eyes out. He puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me that everything is going to be okay. Then I was like, oh yeah, and theres this guy that I like and he won’t hold my hand because of something that I couldn’t control. He grabbed my hand :]] He really does make me feel special and I wonder whats going to happen in the future, especially with Drew coming home soon.
Well, it’s late. I have school tomorrow. I’m going to be a Jedi for magician/clown day by wearing my Snuggie :]
I’m bored.
I don’t know what to do today…
Homework.
I want Drew to be online.
I want Krissy to be home.
I’m hungry.
I need to update my facebook status.
I need to tweet as well.
So many things.
Trips to Payless and Target?
Possibly.
Filed under: Uncategorized
BTW.
Miley Cyrus didn’t write “These Four Walls”….
Cheyenne Kimball did.
If she’s going to steal a song, you think she wouldn’t do one that was played by a singer that had her own show on MTV.
Filed under: Friends, love, school | Tags: Christopher, Drew, Friends, Krissy, life, love, Michael, school, Travis, Work
I should be doing homework right now.. I don’t want to though, I like sitting on the computer listening to music, downloading iTunes, printing papers for NHS, and writing a new blog. Ahh, the magic of multi-tasking. I feel like I have so much to say today, but not really.
“It takes guts to fall in love, but it takes nerve to go back to the one who broke you.”
It seems like everytime I turn around, I am making another mistake when it comes to love. I don’t know if it’s because I am so desperate to be loved or if it because I love so much that I can’t help myself sometimes. Lets see, boys I have loved…
Drew- Like I said before, I don’t really know what to say. I know that no matter what, I will always love him. I really think I will. He is one of the ones that broke me, the one that I have gone back to so many times. I don’t know if I am scared of going back anymore. He is someone I think about all the time. Honestly sometimes I feel guilty thinking about him. He is someone that is so special that I feel bad for having any bad thoughts. Its just like, he has hurt me so many times to always see him coming back as a positive. In the end, I know I love him.
Travis- He is someone that I love more and more everyday. It seems like things between us are getting better. He hugged me today. He holds my hand in the hall again (well kinda lol [long story]). A lot of the time when I am with him, I find myself wishing I was kissing him. I wish that he would just lean down and kiss me. He never does, but everyday I get the feeling that he just might. He won’t go to Homecoming with me though… I hope he comes to LaserTag on Sunday though. I love him, I really do. I’m not IN love. I’m taking my time with him. I have to.
Michael- This is the akward part. I know that I have been IN love with Michael, who, as you know if you read this a lot (which no one but Kris prob does) then you know that Michael is Travis’s older brother. He is someone that has helped me out a lot and for a long time, he was the one person that I wanted more than anything. I don’t have many problems with him. Slowly I am realizing that my feelings for him are more friendship than anything. He is honestly my BEST guy friend. We know almost everything about each other. He likes Abby…He told me today. I am kind of upset that it’s not me, but it doesn’t hurt quite like I thought it would. I thought I would be all dramatic, thinking my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I thought it kinda had when I first started to see that Mickey liked her. I just wanna him to be happy, I really do. Besides, minus our differences, I think Mickey could make her happy and they would honestly be suuppper adorable together. Oh Mickey, Alligator Food <3
Christopher- I love him. This is one of those things that I don’t know where I stand anymore. He is someone that I said I loved, but I don’t know if I did atleast not like that. He has been such an asshole to me, but somehow I always forgive him. He seems to think that I will always love him no matter what, but I don’t really agree with him. I just let him think that because it makes him feel good. He was in town the other week and when we had made plans to hang out, he completely blew me off. We haven’t talked to almost two weeks. I don’t know if he is someone that is good for me… He isn’t. He said he loved me and then took it back a week later.
Well, this has mostly been about boys… like they always are… Lol.
Hmm. School is going well. I am doing well in my classes I think so far. I work on friday night and am missing the biggest football game of the year :[ I like my classes and I am starting to make new friends.
Auditions for the fall play were yesterday and hopefully a cast list will be posted tomorrow morning. I really hope I make it. I want the role of Anna Trumball. She is the hippie of the play :] I don’t know what I will do if I don’t make it. This is my senior year and all I wanna do is have a lead role, boost my gpa, and get into NHS. Ohhhh. I have to tape my interview on Monday…. @ 3:35.
Guh. Anthony just texted me… He is causing so much drama in my life right now. All I need is more girls talking about me and saying I’m a manstealer… thats just F***ing great :///
Church is going amazing by the way. Sunday is now the one day of the week I always look forward too, even getting up early for church <3
P.S. I miss my Bestestest Friend in the whole world, Miss Krissy right now. SOOO MUCH. Iloveyou. I’m gonna text you right now. Did I tell you about Drew? Oh shiz….
Filed under: Uncategorized
I have one more thing to say though….
I love you Travis Alan Frasier ♥”
Filed under: Uncategorized
Life sucks.
This day sucks.
Boys suck.
Crying sucks.
Everything sucks.
Filed under: Uncategorized
“You are anything but square…you’re more like a flower. You are a cool, laid-back, deep-thinker type of rebel– one who has strong beliefs about keeping the peace with regards to society and the world. You go against the norm and are proud of it; you don’t care what others think because, after all, your differences are what make you stand out in order to make a difference. You clash with the rules and regulations of the cultural norm which stereotype you as a Class-A Rebel– but a rebel WITH a cause. You are also in tune with nature and protecting the environment; therefore you are most likely drawn to bohemian, earthy styles (or perhaps anything that stands you out in a crowd of boring colors). Your style and attitude POP. You are in touch with your inner-self, feelings, and deep-seeded emotions, and love to express them with music and art.”
Yeah, you know it. Hippies make the world go round :]
Filed under: Uncategorized
Well, I haven’t posted in awhile and I feel like everytime I do, I promise I am going to post more…and then I don’t. It’s hard. I went through that phrase when I would post like atleast once a week, sometimes, more than once a day. I don’t know. I feel a little like I don’t have that much to say anymore.
I think about the same shit all the time and I know I say that same damn thing when I post… I don’t even know anymore. I feel like all I do is complain about boys and how I don’t know much of anything. Then I start to ramble. It’s jut kinda hard. It really is the same shit though. Travis. Christopher. Drew. Friends. The same shit….
I do have new news about Drew though. You see, he is supposed to be in Juvie until his eighteenth birthday, which isn’t for another like year. Yesterday I go on myspace and he is on… he is signed on… At that moment I stopped breathing. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Part of me still doesn’t think it’s him. I don’t know. Emily said that it shouldn’t matter because I don’t talk to him anymore, but it’s not like I stopped talking to him by choice. He just kind of fell out of my life when he was sent to juvie. I wonder if there is a way to find a kid in juvie from the internet. I doubt it, he is minor so prob not. Part of me is just sick of thinking about him and the other part is like STFU Janelle, you love him.
I don’t wanna talk about shit anymore.
