Filed under: Uncategorized
My brother is an asshole.
I miss my boyfriend.
I miss Wesley and Krissy.
I have to hang with MORE family today.
Atleast I get spaghetti?
Filed under: Family, Insight, love | Tags: Blessed, Christmas, Friends, happy, Holiday, Krissy, love, Ode to friendship, Smile, Travis, Wesley
These last couple days have been pretty good. I went to the movies with Wes, Em, Melad, and Mike Randall on Monday. We saw Yes Man and it was sooo good. I loved it! The whole concept was amazing and part of me wishes I could live my life in that sort of way. I wish I could just say yes to all the things that came into my life. It could be a nice way to live. I don’t know, it makes sense though because once I let down the gates and try and have fun, I really am happy.
Yesterday, all I did was clean, do laundry, and wrap presents. It was a slave labor day, but I didn’t mind all that much. The only thing was that I had to make the fucking Mushroom soup for Wigilia at like nine at night. So not cool. I was up until 1:30am…and then woke up around 7:45ish. I have been up all day and I am sooo exhausted man! I took a nap in the car ride home though. Wigilia all and all was pretty good. I saw family, ate good food, and made amazing memories. The mushroom soup was quite a hit and I got a JOHN DEERE LUNCH BOX! I love it. The only thing that was a pain in the ass was the drive to and from because it was in Mayville, which is like two hours from here.
Also, I have been thinking about what this years resolutions are going to be. I don’t know. I think I need to concentrate a little more on AP chem, I need to relax and breathe, and I need to focus on making myself a complete person again.
I am slowly becoming the person that I want to be and it’s all because of those amazing people that I love <3 All the people that have been there for me and without them, I would be the biggest mess. I would be how I always have been. I’m becoming something that I think is good. I am becoming a little more chill when normally, I would have freaked out and been super pissed. I’m just learning to take life one day at a time again.
Let’s make this a “semi-ode” to those that mean the most:
Travis – This boy… he is beyong wonderful and is something that I love having in my life. Everyday I spend with him is a new one that I know I will come to love, cherish, and remember. When he holds me, I see the world in a new light and I feel like I can let go and just have fun again. I just love him. I can’t explain it with any other feeling than love. It’s like, because of him, I know what no-strings, pure, unfiltered joy is. I don’t think it’s something I’ve ever felt. He has become someone soo important to me. I would do anything for him. I want to kiss him in the rain. I want him to be my underrated love story. He is the only person I have ever met, that has my heart and deserves it.
Wesley – Tomorrow will be the official one year anniversary of the day this girl entered my heart. She is someone that I can’t imagine my world without and I’m glad that I don’t have to. She is my best friend, my partner in crime, and without her, I don’t know what I’d do. When I need her, she is always there for me, and even when I don’t need her, she is there for me. She doesn’t judge me EVER. I know that she will always listen to the retarded thoughts that never make sense, but she gets them. It’s because she is usually having the same retarded thought :] She makes everyday fun beyong belief and I’ve never laughed so hard as when I am with her. Je l’aime <3 She like…the super boss man.
Krissy – Always save the best for last right? Krissy is the most amazing person that I think has ever entered my life. She is someone that I will always NEED and WANT to be at my side. When I get married, she will be the one that holds my dress when I pee (okay maybe not, but she will be there to laugh at me when I struggle to pee because that’s what real best friends do). I used to always say, “Without Krissy, I wouldn’t know anyone.” Now it’s, “Without Krissy, I wouldn’t be anyone.” Knowing her and being her friend has changed my life so incredibly much. I can’t imagine going for a long period of time without talking to her, even if it’s just bullshit fluff conversation. Krissy is the sister I never wanted, but now that I have her, I’m never giving her back :]
It’s the season to love and be loved right? I just feel so lucky to have been blessed with so many people in my life that make me so happy 
Filed under: music | Tags: Assholes, Girlfriend, Marilyn Manson, music, People
“Marilyn Manson attended a party in Miami at the Hotel Gansevoort with model Isani Griffith. You think she would date him if he were working in Blockbuster for $6 an hour and dressing the same way? Amazing what money can get you these days. Luckily she probably has some serious daddy issues.”
I am blown away that someone could say this about someone else!!!!!!!!!! I hate when people who don’t even know ANYTHING about Marilyn Manson think they can just get away with saying things like this. Assholes, that’s all they are. Assholes. All I have to say is that he is amazing and she is lucky he is even giving her the time of day. Anyone would be extremely lucky to be with him. People suck.
I am looking at some of my old posts and it’s like, “Oy Vay man.” How did I let myself get so deep in something I didn’t even want? I think I found something and just ran with it. I made something up in my head and created a whole other life and mindset around it. I think that that is all Michael was… a fantasy I thought up to escape life.
Now I’m with Travis and he is real <3
Filed under: AWESOME, Friends, love, school | Tags: Christmas, Emily, Festival, Friends, happy, Holding Hands, Krissy, love, school, Simon, Smiles, Travis, Wesley
The long awaited Christmas break of 2008 and officially here. Today is the first REAL day of break. Yesterday was a snowday, but I wouldn’t have been at school anyway. This last week has been so stressful and to tell the truth, I slept A LOT because I was constantly tired. I don’t mind it now though because it’s like the most chaos I have had in a long time and I kind of needed it. It’s all good chaos though :]
The French Christmas Party was on Wednesday and it was soo fun. I hung out with Wesley and Kevin most of the night. I ate rolls, strawberries, and chocolate most of the night. We sang and it was SOOO HORRIBLE. Half of the kids didn’t know the songs, it was pretty bad. French Four played it off though, we are awesome. I really think that we are the best french class. Lol <3
On thursday, I had an essay due, a math test, locker clean out, and the Fine Art’s Festival. I must say, out of all of those, my favorite was defidently the Festival <3 I got to hang out with Travis and see him perform. I also got to hang with Wesley, Emily, and Simon. I love all my friends so much. After intermission, Travis came down in the audience and sat with me. He held my hand the entire time. At the end, we kissed. It wasn’t one of those long passionate kisses like in movies, but it was sooo special because it was with him. He really is quite amazing.
Oh, did I mention that he is my boyfriend now? Because, he is :]
I can’t wait for the rest of winter break!! I went to Joie’s house yesterday for a holiday party and I had soo much fun, but now I have welt marks on my leg because Cylde beat me with a power cord. With the exception of that, I had amazingly amazing fun times. We ate cookies, played some game called zumi zumi, and ate burgers :] I don’t think that they agreed with me though because last night I got really sick and threw up twice. I am fine now though, I think that it just needed to get out of my system.
I also have talked to a few old friends; Artur and Trevor. Trevor is coming home today and wants to hang out sometime while he is home. I would love to hang out with him, I miss him :] Artur on the other hand is someone that I freaking LOVE man. He was one of my really good friends in middle school and knows like all my deep dark secrets ;] He is a sweet kid and I miss hanging out with him. He still lives in Troy, so hopefully, sometime soon, I will be able to get out there and see everyone.
I’m excited for tomorrow too :] I am hanging out with Krissy during the day and going to the movies tomorrow night. Hopefully, Travis will be allowed to come. I don’t want to go two weeks without seeing him. I will see him the day I get back from Florida though because I shall be attending his swim meet that same day.
Things seem like they are falling into place again you know? I really just hope that they don’t fall apart like they have everyother time. I really like him.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Maybe I am just wrong about so many things… It wouldn’t be the first time. I really hope not.
I hate being older than him. He pisses me off. I hate that he has so much control in the “relationship”. I hate that sometimes, he won’t hold my hand.
I really like him though :]
He said that I am pretty amazing <3
Filed under: AWESOME, Friends, random | Tags: love, Melad, Krissy, AWESOME, Travis, Christmas, Wigilia, Florida, Excited, AHHHH
I get to see all my friends soon :] Christmas break is like 5 days away and I am sooo excited. So many things are happening during break. My cousin Ashleigh’s Sweet Sixteen, Melad’s Birthday, Nada’s Birthday, CHRISTMAS!, Wigilia, and of course, going to Florida and the bahamas with Krispy. I can’t wait man. Can it be Friday now so that I can go to Frankenmuth with Krissy and Sarah NOW! Lmao. I am just really happy. The only bummer to x-mas break is not seeing Travis for two weeks. Hopefully his parents will let him hang out with me. No biggie though, I will talk to him. I am sure.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Everything is coming so soon. In a matter of like weeks, it will be 2009 man! I can’t wait to write my first blog of 2009 :]
P.S. Nirvana is the shit man.
Filed under: AWESOME, Insight, love, music | Tags: happy, Jason Mraz, love, music, Relationships, Smile, Travis
Music has always played a role in my life. It is how I feel and when everything is crumbling it will always comfort me. It’s my rock.
Well, according to my music listenings as of lately, I am really happy :] I am listening to a lot of Jason Mraz which is really upbeat music. It is also really lovey. I really like this new finding <3 I have also realized that the music that is sinking into my mind and soul is so happy is because of that one kid, what is his name again? Oh yeah, Travis. He is simply amazing and even though we aren’t together, he is mine.
Also, because I go on Facebook so much, I tend to get stuck on bumper stickers a lot. Hehe. Doesn’t everyone though? I send Travis a lot of bumper stickers, but they are adorable. One said “Lets flip a coin. Head and I’m yours…Tails and you’re mine <3″ I can’t stop smiling and I hope I don’t anytime soon
[I get to see Krissy and Sarah soon]… X-mas is in 12 days <3
Filed under: Insight, love | Tags: age, boyfriend, Brian, Dating, freshman, Friends, Girlfriend, Juniors, love, Relationships, TravieBoy, Travis, Using
Well, I talked to Travis today. I told him that I like him (which was already obvious) and asked if he liked me. He said yea, that he did. I had to ask if it was the way I liked him just to be sure. He said Yea, BUT…. You’re a junior, like my brother. I am soooo upset right now.
I want to look at the positive side which is that he likes me, but other than that I don’t see one. I have finally found this amazing guy that I really like, that likes me too, but doesn’t want to be with me. I know he said it’s the age thing, but part of me doesn’t believe him. I really think that the reason he doesn’t want to be with me is because he thinks that I still want Michael. I know no one believes me, but I don’t. I don’t want Michael. Being around Travis has made me see that I am chasing after… well, nothing.
I was chasing after Michael, who I thought was the perfect guy, because he was more or less something I couldn’t have. I don’t think it was the whole “I like the chase” thing, but more of like, I built him up to the point were I would never be good enough for him in my eyes, therefore I would never DESERVE him. I have wasted so much time on something that I don’t even think I really want anymore. Sure, he is a great guy and all, but what was I so worked up about? I did t he same thing with Drew. I wasted too much time on something that was neve really worth it all.
Also, his friend Brian is having an issue with this (Me and Travis). He either says that it’s illegal because he is younger than me, I am taking his best friend, I only like Travis because I think he is a “mini-Michael”, or that I am using Travis to get to Michael. All of these statements offend me. 1.) It’s NOT illegal, 2.) I would never try to take Travis from Brian, I don’t mean to and I always try to include Brian when we are all together, 3.) I don’t think that Travis is a “mini-Michael” at all. They are sooo different, and 4.) I would NEVER NEVER use Travis to get to Michael. I am not that desperate and I would never want to hurt him.
I just want to be with him you know? I just want to look at him and smile because I know he is…. well, mine… I want the cheesy shit like the “in a relationship with Travis” on facebook. When people assume we are together, I want them to be right. I want to be is girlfriend more than anything. I am done with all the bullshit games. I am being so serious right now. I just want him to be my guy, the ONLY guy I think about, the ONLY guy I’m with. I want him to be my ONLY one and I want to be his <3. I feel so happy when I am around him. I want to give him everything I have. I’m ready for a real relationship, not these crap ones. I just to make him happy.
I hope it all works out in my favor for once.
