Filed under: AWESOME, Friends, Insight, love | Tags: cloud nine, fool, Michael, phonecalls, secrets, Trevor, wes
I have been faced with a dilema. I called Michael a day or two ago and made a complete fool of myself. First off I called at eleven o’clock at night, then said whatever popped into my head which made me sound like a creep. I don’t know. We talked for like ten minutes then he told me to call him tomorrow. I did, no answer … few hours later, called, no answer. I was super mad at the time, but now I’m not really caring. I feel like I am on cloud nine. I feel like this because of an amazing phone call. An amazing phone call from an amazing guy.
Trevor.
I was on the phone with Trevor for two and a half hours last night and they were amazing. I haven’t had a comversation like that in a long time. I love that about our friendship. We can talk about everything, not that I can’t with my other friends, it’s just different with him. It’s like he is so giving even in a conversation. He is one of those rare guys that will talk about his feelings and help you with yours. The only down fall of him talking about his feelings with me is that most of them revolve around is ex, Rhio. I don’t mind much though and that kind of surprised me … Normally if I like a guy, I get really jealous when he talks about another girl let alone one that he loves. When it’s him though, I don’t really mind. I like it kinda. It makes him seem more like a real person instead of the superhero persona that I have created in my mind.
Speaking of Superheros … he told me something kinda weird last night. He said that it is basically his biggest secret EVER. Only like 5 people including me know. I’m not going to repeat it because this IS the internet of course, but I don’t know how to feel about it. I don’t know if I should believe him. I don’t know if I should think that he is crazy. I want to believe him though. I don’t think that he would lie to me about something like this. He has NO reason whatsoever to lie to me and he never has before. He has always been really real with me. I think that I do believe him, but I feel like there is some tiny part of me that doesn’t.
He is an amazing guy regardless. He talked to my brother on the phone last night too, something about cars. I don’t know, but I got no talking to after so I think that Bruce kinda might like him. Which would be amazing considering … Bruce doesn’t like anyone that I do. All I feel is =] =] =] =] because I just got off the phone with him. He told me to call later if I wanted. I don’t want to seem so eager, but I LOVE talking to him.
Today is Tuesssday and I’m not going to the movies with my Little Miss Wes. I miss her <3
Filed under: Friends, Insight, random | Tags: akward, gay, intamacy, lesbian, love, naked
What do you do when you think that you are feeling extremely uncomfortable, or that you are on the verge of it. I feel that way right now. I am at my friend Breanna’s house and her girlfriend Sharonda is over. They are both really nice people, but what does one do when you walk into a room and they are semi-naked? This is exactly what happened. I was innocently on the computer looking at music and when I went into Breanna’s room they were sitting on the bed and bothof them only had on their bras and undies. Needless I feel a little akward now knowing that they are both probally fully naked doing who knows what… Ugh,I don’t think that I want to sit on the bed now. Does this mean that I have intamacy issues?
I don’t think that I have a problem being close to someone, I am avery touchy feely person by nature. I also know that I don’t really have a problem with people being close in front of me. I have had it happen to me a billion and two times. Mike and Krissy. Ron and Everyone. I have been in the same room with people while they are having sex for pete’s sake. If so, then why is this making me feel so strange? I know it’snot because they are gay… Is it? It can’t be. I have seen Ron with a ton of guys and it didn’t bother me. I mean, I am bisexual. How can I have a problem with gay intimacy??
I think that there is something really wrong with me, man.
Help?
Filed under: Insight, random | Tags: Dreams, eyes, feelings, Michael, Summer
I like Michael a lot. I still have the feelings that I had when I saw him everyday. I love that he has that whole good boy with a secret bad side persona going for him. His eyes are haunting my thoughts and my dreams.
Filed under: Friends, Insight, love, random | Tags: Drew, life, Michael, simple
These last few days have been strangely unique. I keep telling myself that I am done with Drew, but I have said this before. I say this everytime that we “break up” per-say. The thing that makes this time different is that I feel like I really mean it. A lot of my time used to be spent thinking about him, then being upset for thinking about him. Now, when I think about him it’s to notice that I haven’t thought about him in a long time. Then I get a little smile because I am proud … then I realize that I just thought about him and get upset, but not for long. I really am proud about the fact that I don’t want him anymore. I don’t want to be with him. I don’t want him to want me anymore. I really am done with him.
I said before that I was going to be on to bigger and better things with Mike’s friend Mark, but he never called. Normally I would have been really hurt and upset, now I don’t really care. I’m fine with the fact that he didn’t call me. I have been strangely calm these last few days as well. I cleaned my room and it only took me a day. That NEVER happens. Usually my room is complete chaos for atleast 3 to 4 days. Idk. Sometimes I just feel really calm and this is one of those times. I don’t really feel like there is drama that I have to deal with and I love that. I love the feeling of nothingness. I wish I could have this feeling more often. I just love the feeling of having nothing to do and just chilling out and thinking about the simpleness that really is life. We make life so complicated that we never stop and see how many things really are extremely easy.
Another thing that is been strange about the last few days is that I have been thinking about Michael a lot. I haven’t seen him since the last day of school, but now I think about him a lot. I have been having dreams about him and random thoughts. I also get the urge to call him quite often. I never do, but I want to all the time. I kinda miss him and how easy it was to talk to him. He really is a sweet guy and one day I hope that we can be the way that we were. Liking him kinda changed that. I don’t know how someone could not like him though. Maybe I will call him … soon.
Filed under: AWESOME, Concerts, Friends, music | Tags: music, Concerts, Warped Tour, Pierce the Viel, Detroit, Automatic Loveletter, Juliet Simms, Fans, Posters, Autographs
WARPED TOUR WAS AMAZZZING!!!!
We met the lead singer of Peirce the Viel and Everyone from Automatic Loveletter.
We got autographs from everyone is Automatic Loveletter as well.
We saw Mayday Parade, The Pink Spiders, Say Anything, Madina Lake, Peirce the Veil, Automatic Loveletter, Anberlin, and Cobra Starship. 2008 Warped Tour was an amazing time. Spending a whole day with Krissy and Gabby was the cherry on top. I was crazy tired from the long day, no sleep, sunburn, no food, but wicked pumped!!!!!
Thank Gloss ( I don’t want to say God since I don’t believe in “him”) for pink headphones, Wendy’s, free posters, creepy but cute older guys, cameras, crazy obsession with a bands, amazing music, wet dirt, granola bars, mosh pits, security guards, and best friends =]
Filed under: Uncategorized
- I HATE summer reading.
- I love Tuesdays.
- I am sick of wasting summer.
- I am wicked excited for Warped Tour.
- Family Picnic soon =]
- I don’t feel like writing.
- Hopefully I’ll be a newly-single soon…
Well, I am trying to move on now. I sent Drew a message telling him that I was done with all the drama and that I couldn’t take it. I wasn’t going to let him break my heart again. That I just WOULDN’T do it. I am kind of sad that it’s coming to an end. I feel like there is so much that I want to have with him. I want him to be someone that I can look back on and be like “wow … he was an amazing person and he really did change my life for the better.” Too bad that I can’t really do that. It seems like he will be the person that changed me the best and make me grow up the most. I have learned about myself from being with him. I have learned that I deserve better than someone who doesn’t treat me like a person. I learned that I shouldn’t have to come second to someone. I learned that not everyone that says that they love me will mean it. I don’t know how I feel about it all though. I would like to think that he did love me when he sent it, but the actions never really backed up the feelings.
Now I am on to new and better things. Mike, a friend of mine is attempting to hook me up with him friend Mark. It came from a random text asking me whats up. I know Mike and I know that since I don’t talk to him on text often, let alone when he starts it, that something had to be up. I then asked him why he was talking to me. He denied having motives, but I said that I knew him better than that. I was a little confused when he asked me how my boyfriend was. I told him that he was about to be dumped…why? He said that his friend was interested in me. Apparently they were looking at cute girls on facebook and I came up. I was kinda like when did I enter the “cute girls” section. Well actually I was like “I’m on the cute girls list?” He was like of course. Long story short his friend is going to call me or something during some course of the week. I was a little confused when I asked if he was going to do the whole typcial … call me … ask me out … take me out … thing. Mike’s answer was “Or you could fuck and see where that takes you.” I said no.
I am soooo done with the meaningless hookups.
I know it’s shallow, but I hope it isn’t the guy I say on his facebook. He was ugly…
Filed under: Uncategorized
I am starting to think that I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. I feel like soon is going to be the time when I detox from Drew. I take him off of my myspace page. Delete the pictures from my phone. Remove him from top friends. Delete all the lovie text messages I saved. Take the pictures off my walls. I don’t know. It just feels like we aren’t anything anymore. PLUS. Something tells me that he isn’t to worried about getting to me when he is obviously saying something to Lizzy. I know this because when I went onto his page, there was a comment from her saying “I thought that you have a girlfriend” and “I can’t do that to my boyfriend.”
I just don’t want to deal with his drama anymore.
Filed under: Friends, Insight, love | Tags: cheating, Drew, experience, interest, love, older, one night stand, sex, Trevor
Why is it that when people come back into my life they have to do it all at once? Now that Drew is back, guess who came back? Trevor. Yup. The camp counselor I hooked up with after camp. That’s the one. I think that I have brought this one upon myself though. I sent him a message on Facebook just joking thinking that he wouldn’t answer because he never does. All I said was “I’m starting to think that I was a one night stand … Hmmmm.” That was ALL that I said. I sent that message on June 26th and now, yesterday, on June 8th he messages me back. I couldn’t believe that he actually answered me. I was kinda shocked. He said that he was sorry and that I wasn’t a one night stand. He then went on to explain how his parents kicked him out so he was living with Rhio (his gf) and then she went all crazy and broke up with him. Of course if they are broken up they can no longer live together like a happy little couple. She kicked him out … You had to have seen that coming … Now he is back at home with his folks and the computer.
I don’t know how to feel about this situation. If I really am looking for someone who won’t do what Drew did. It doesn’t seen like Trevor is the best canidate. He is more or less the same package plus a car and experience. I know that he has cheated before because it was with me. He cheated on Rhio with me. He has done the whole not talking for months thing. The other thing is that he is older. He is about to be 20. He is more in tune with who he is. I love that about him. He is really confident. I have talked about this before with Wesley and it is a proven fact that I like the overly confident-cocky guys, but all of them have an insecure side that I see when I get to know them. Trevor is no different. I don’t know man.
I think about it and it’s a complicated situation.
Pros
- He is really really Nice.
- I already know that he likes me ;]
- He is super cute.
- He has a car.
- My mother already knows him.
- He knows what he is doing when it comes to “romance”
- He isn’t afraid to love
- We have that connection.
- He has awesome taste is music. Lol (minus that he hates Simple Plan)
Cons
- He is almost twenty.
- He has cheated before, who knows how many times.
- My mom thinks he is too old for me.
- He lives in Flint.
- He is unemployed … I think.
- My mother thinks he is a nice guy.
- My brother might not be so hot on the idea of him.
- He doesn’t like Simple Plan.
- He has A LOT of experience.
Now do you see the problem? I have exactly as many Pros as I have Cons. I feel like I am getting a little ahead of myself here. Lets see if it goes anymore with either Drew or Trevor …
