Thoughts from an Unknown.

   I am going stir crazy. I am getting to the point where I am tired of doing nothing, but I want to do nothing. I don’t feel like I do anything, but I am always busy. I think that this is because all I do is school and tennis. When I am not doing school then I am at tennis practice and when I’m not at practice I am doing homework or at a game. When I’m not doing any of that I am too exhausted to do anything else.

That’s why I haven’t posted in so long.

A lot of things have happened since my last post.

1. I have been asked to prom.
2. I have been UNasked to prom.
3. I have been REasked to prom.
4. My brother is in jail.
5. I lost my first tennis match.
6. I read Marilyn Manson’s AutoBio.
7. Hair Cut.
8. Another meaningless random hook-up.
9. A friend has been scarred.
10. More confusion over Michael.

#1-3    My friend David Harris asked me to prom. It started off as a topic of a joke and how I would be SUCH a GOOD date. Krissy then suggested that he ask me…. and he did. We were joking, but HE wasn’t. I was floored and excited. I had been wanted to go to prom, but no one asked me so I didn’t think that I was going to go. 4 days later I go to lunch with him and he seems really down. I ask him what’s wrong. He says nothing. I leave him alone. Then, after lunch he comes to my locker and tells me that he can’t go to Prom with me. I ask why… His reply is, “I am going to go with Emily. I don’t know that much about you and she is a senior.” I am kind of like whatever then. I tell Krissy and she is mad. The more I thought about it the madder I got and when I see Emily in the hall all I can do is hug her. She then says, “So he told you?”

I was soo mad when she said that because this causes the wheels to turn. This means two things. He asked her BEFORE he unasked me and she said yes KNOWING I was going with him.

Flash to 2:30. Krissy comes to my locker with David in tow. He says that he is sorry and that he made a mistake. Then he REasks me to Prom. I say yes.

Everyone I told was all like, ” I wouldn’t have said yes.” I thought about it, but I was so excited to go and I think that he truly meant what he said. (I also know that he was bitched at by some people about it.) He is a sweetheart and I think that he meant to hurt me, but at the same time it like…” God, what an asshole move on his part and a bitch move on Emily’s.”

I am now over the incident and am CRAZY EXCITED to go to Prom 2008…. my brother on the other hand…isn’t.

#4    That leads me to my brother being in OCJ. He was arrested for being drunk and disorderly in a public place. The fact that both him AND his buddy are unage helped a lot. They were going to let him go, but he isn’t so clean with the law. He has quite a few warrants out for his arrest. He does this thing were he gets in trouble and won’t show for court. I don’t think that the legal system likes that too much.

As a result he is now locked up for 2 months. I know it’s not that long, but it is. I won’t be able to see him because I’m not 18 (they don’t care that I am family). I can write letters and talk on the phone, but it’s not the same. I miss him more than I thought that I would. I half expect him to be pulling into the drive way everytime I hear a loud car. It kind of bums me out when it’s not. He gets out on May 31st. Thats a long time. By the time he gets out Tennis season will be over, I will have two weeks left of sophmore year, and I will have went to my first senior Prom. I love him.

#5   I also LOST my first tennis match. It was against Harrison. I cried. I was so mad at myself because I know that I can do so much better than what I did. The game was on the same day that #12and3 happened. I don’t know what else I can say about it. I think that I am so mad because we lost because of me and I KNOW that I could have played soo much better. Right now our score is 3-1. GO LATHRUP LADY’S TENNIS!!!!

#6  My current book is Marilyn Manson’s A Long Hard Road out of Hell. It’s his autobiography and I was so glad to buy it. I love reading it. Knowing how he was raised, what he thinks, and why he is the way he is makes me love him more.

He is one of the most open minded people that I have heard of. I want to say MET really bad, but I can’t….sadly. I think that this book has taken my obsession to a whole new level. It seems that now a days he is all I think about. I think about what it would be like to meet him, to know him. I think about what I would say if I ever did.

This book has made me think that he is the most amazing person. I don’t care that people keep dogging him. I actually think that it’s dumb. He hasn’t done anything to these people that keep saying all these horrible things about him. All he does is play music. He about shocking and that is what he does. They don’t realize that he more that they talk about him…The bigger his music gets. “The more that you fuel us, the bigger we get.”—Disposable Teens.

#7   I got a hair cut. It has more layers and looks pretty damn awesome. I don’t know how much more I can be more detailed.

#8   I don’t feel like talking about it. It was a mistake and it was all that I said. A MEANINGLESS RANDOM hookup. The sad thing is that I did it because I was bored. Ugh. I’m thinking that some time in the near future I need to clean up my act.

#9   A friend has been scarred. My friend Steven won’t talk to me. It makes me so mad, but I do understand where it is coming from. I didn’t mean to do it. In all honesty…I didn’t have that much to do with what happened. The closest I am is that I was in the room. I didn’t use the phone. The thing that is so bad is he is mad at ME and that is it…. not the ones that actually called him. The isn’t mad at the boy on the phone OR the girl that dialed. Nope. Just Janelle. I hope that he stops being mad at me soon. I have so much that I need to talk to him about and I can’t because I am being ignored. I feel like I am sort of degressing with him.

The thing that makes it so bad is that he is such a big part of my life. There are certain things that I talk to him about and only him. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have that anymore. I miss the sound of his voice…I know how weird that is, but it’s true. He has become a sense of comfort for me and I miss that. I feel like I in a blizzard and someone stole my coat.

#10  Confusion on Michael. I have talked to him and he has said that he doesn’t like me like I like him, but he is at that sort of kind of state. I don’t know how to feel about it. If he does end up liking me what do I do then? I don’t think that I really want to tie myself down to him, but I don’t want to pass on it. I don’t know. Some days he is all I can think about and some days I don’t think about him at all. I think that this is because my heart is still invested in a relationship that ended almost two years ago. I don’t want to let that go, but if I do….. I don’t want the same thing to happen with me and Michael. I don’t want to fall in love with him and then end up getting stepped on. I will say though that with me and Drew it was different. There were a lot of factored that resulted in our ending it.