Filed under: AWESOME, Concerts, Friends, Insight, love, music | Tags: Amazing, AWESOME, Drew, feelings, guys, happy, life, music
Well, last night was pretty awesome. Party Like Summer had an amazing set (even though I’m a little biased). I was in the front, although it’s not like there were all that many people there to stop me fro being up front. I was a chicken in the beginning and Bradlee walked past me about a billion times, but I was scared so I didn’t say anything. Then after his set I went outside and he was there so we hung out for a little bit and talked. He is a really cool guy and I’m glad that I met him or even texted him in the first place. Thanks Christofer Drew <3 I got tons of hugs and a kiss on the cheek and he told me to call him, which I will.
The only thing that stresses me out about with him is that it’s hard to have actual conversation with him sometimes. I’m not used to having to wait forever for someone to text me back and I don’t mean to be impatient, but it bothers me when he’s like “Im a busy beee” when I know for a fact that he is sitting in a van doing nothing..Lol. Oh well, I don’t need to stress. He is simply a friend.
On an even better note, today was awesome too. I hung out at the house until like one and then went to Drew’s house. We walked around Berkley while he tried to find a job. No luck though. It was nice hanging out with him though. Favorite moment all day : We were sitting on the couch watching tv, my head is on his shoulder, he moves his head down and kisses me. Then after one I turned my head because I thought it was only one and he turns to me and says “I wasn’t done.” and kisses me again. It still makes me smile. It’s just nice to know that the boy I love likes kissing me :]]]
This weekend was amazing.
Oh, I don’t know if I posted, but Groves’ production of Guys and Dolls was AMAZING! I WISH that SL could have shows like that. The Fall Play is this weekend and I hope for the love of Jesus, that it goes well. BREAK A LEG!
Filed under: AWESOME, Alcohol, Concerts, Friends, Insight, music | Tags: Alcohol, AWESOME, Bradlee, feelings, Friends, music, random, songs, Travis
Tonight is supposed to be the night. Tonight is the night I am going to Lansing to see Bradlee. I texted him this morning though and now I am more confused than ever. Nevermind. He just texted me back…. He makes me feel smile and gives me butterflies. I feel like this is some kind of dream though because I mean, what music loving girl doesn’t wanna get with the lead singer of a band? I’m pretty sure every girl does. It’s hot. He told me to come find him before the show, well as soon as I get there. I am so excited to see him in action. He is such a sweetheart and the music is amazing too. I am listening to the song “All We Know” right now it makes my stomach turn, but in a good way. I hope that even if things don’t work out like they do in my head, they still work out well. The whole night is seeming to fall together. I am leaving around like 4 and the show starts at 5:30. Then after the show, well what happens happens and I am crashing at Sarah’s for the night. My mom thinks that Sarah is coming with me. I am a little worried to go alone, but I mean, it’s a bar in Lansing with undiscovered bands playing, what could happen. The only thing I am stressing is that he has only seen me in pictures and when he sees me in person he won’t like what he sees. I am a fat slob in person and I have learned how to angle pics to make me look super good. I don’t know. I need to calm down and not stress out. Thats not what I need right now.
Oh, I’m also a little worried about how Tuesday is going to go. It will be when I go back to school and see Travis. I got a little drunk on Friday and texted him some kinda forward things. I mean, with him, I always wanna give him another shot because he is so important to me and my everyday life. I just don’t want to freak him out like I have a habit of doing with guys… A LOT.
Whatever. I don’t wanna talk about that anymore. I already kind of regret saying that stuff to him. When I think about it I kind of sound like a whore, which I know I’m not, I just have a lot of whore tendencies. It’s just when I see Travis, I think about how he hasn’t done ANYTHING more than holding hands and a simple kiss on the lips and how I know he wants to do more so bad, but doesn’t feel comfortable with a girl enough to do anything. I mean if anyone, he should be comfortable with me right? He trusts me and I am like his best friend. I don’t know. I just don’t want someone to take advantage of him or for him to have a bad first experience with some horrible girl. I want him to have it with me. Honestly, that sounds horrible. It sounds like I am some Dazed and Confused actor trying to deflower the young girls. “Thats one thing I love about high school girls. I keep getting older and they stay the same age.” 
DDD Tsk Tsk Janelle :p
Filed under: AWESOME, Insight, love | Tags: Amazing, Bradlee, Changing, Emotions, life, self
You know how sometimes people say rather small things that make a huge crash on certain people. I just read one of the blogs that Bradlee wrote on the Party Like Summer Myspace an I feel like my soul has been ripped out and typed by someone else. I just want other people to read it too. He wrote:
“I woke up this morning and there was a piece of paper on my floor.
Scribbled on it just two words, “don’t worry”.
I’m not sure exactly when, or if, i wrote this.
But i do know it bugged me a ton.
I thought about those two words all day and came to this conclusion;
Sometimes it seems as a society we spend far to much time worrying about silly stuff.
We tend to over look life’s little beauties because were so wrapped in all of the drama.
Every little thing that we do from switching on a light switch and having the light turn on,
to taking a deep breath and the air around us having just the right amount of gasses for our lungs to filter it thus giving our bodies essential oxygen.
All these things are tiny little miracles that should bring us a ton of joy, but we overlook because were too busy worrying.”
Filed under: AWESOME, Insight, random | Tags: Amazing, feelings, Friends, guys, happy, life, school, Travis
Travis told me to write a new blog so I think I will. This week has been kind of okay. I wasn’t feeling that well on monday or tuesday, so on tuesday I didn’t go to school. I talked to Bradlee all day though :] He is someone that is so awesome. I don’t know what is going to happen with him. He is in a band. Their name is Party Like Summer and the music is super amazing! I’m going to his show in Lansing on sunday night. I am excited to see him <3 Bradlee Meredith is simply amazing… I don’t know what else to say.
I miss Krissy :[
Life is kinda okay now. Drew comes home for good either today or tomorrow. I hope that things work out with us. I’m not willing to let go of him, but I don’t know anymore. I had this really long talk with Grace last night. It was really nice. We talked for like 3 hours after everyone else left Bible Study. Last night was a good time <3
Filed under: Uncategorized
I’m at MSU finally :]
It’s Halloween.
I am ready to get drunk and party.
Drew hasn’t called since he got home.
He’s prob ignoring me.
I don’t care. Whatever.
I am with some of my best friends and I am going to have an amazing time.
I am being a Lion for Halloween. RAWRRRRR.
I’m going to the Cider Mill tomorrow :]
I love Sarah :]
(follow me on twitter if you are reading this @xojanelleybean)
People are pissing me off right now. No one is listening to me. I am at set crew and people don’t listen. They don’t do what they are supposed to do and to top it of, they are loud as FUCK.
I am soo close to being done with this shit. If this wasn’t such a huge part of my life and I didn’t love it so much, I would have been done sooo long ago.
I love Clyde right now :] He is my savior. When no one wants to listen to me he comes in and kicks ass. I don’t know what I would do without him most of the time. He is the left to my right <3333
This boy Robert is reading what I am typing right now and he didn’t know that “<3″ was a heart… He’s kinda stupid, but he is a nice kid so I keep him around.
This weekend was okay. I’ll call or text you Kris.
Peace&Love
Filed under: Friends, Insight, love | Tags: confusion, Drew, Emotions, Friends, guys, happy, Krissy, life, love, Relationships
What do you do when you thought that everything was going amazing and that something seems to throw in a wrench? I feel like this is whats happening. I love Drew. I really do, but sometimes I feel like I am the only one feeling it. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to just commit to me. To tell people that I am his “girlfriend”. I don’t even know what to say about him anymore. I can’t really call him my “boyfriend” but he’s not…nothing… I just don’t even know what to say anymore. I can’t give up. I can’t let go. I try to be okay with everything that he puts me through. He doesn’t hurt me on purpose… This is hard.
I hope I see him today.
Travis hugged me yesterday. He was leaning on the lockers and I came and leaned on him and he put his arms around me. It made me happy, but I feel it’s a little too little a little too late.
I love Kris and seeing her this week and spending time with her was amazing. I am soo gladd that she is happy. Pilot is a good guy and he makes her so happy. I am this lasts forever :] I never thought that I would be jealous of my best friend’s LONG DISTANCE relationship though…
Filed under: Depression, love | Tags: Drew, Emotions, fear, life, love, tears
I ended up seeing him yesterday. I had fun in someways… but his best friend, James, is the bestest asshole ever.
I left in tears.
We had sex.
James texted me and told me Drew said “hit it and quit it”
I don’t feel like breathing, being alive.
I am hoping that this is all bullshit and James is an asshole.
I don’t see him again until next weekend.
